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Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Teaser Tuesday

Hey guys, I'm going to draw (from my summer sun hat) the winners of the Handcuffs contest, so if you need a copy, make sure you comment on my post from Saturday!

This is the first teaser I've done this summer. It's something new I'm working on, and I'll probably only leave it up a few days :) . Would you want to read on?

The sun is descending and it’s begun to spit a cold rain when our conveyance rumbles to a stop at a crossroad. An awkward box-like truck is blocking the road, and even in an armored carriage we won’t try to pass it. Burly men in masks, cloth ones--flimsy and useless to stop serious contagion--stagger back to the truck, carrying bodies wrapped in tattered quilts. I wonder if the people, those who are still alive, will be cold tonight. If those are their only blankets.

April gags behind her white mask. “Too bad your father didn’t design these things to keep out noxious smells as well as noxious diseases.”

The truck moves forward a scant hundred yards and stops again. The driver doesn’t care that he’s blocking traffic, even though we are running late, heading to our favorite club.

The men, so muscular from lugging about corpses, swagger up to a woman who is holding a small bundle. When they try to take it she shrieks and tries to run away. A man comes out of what’s left of a building; I see that the roof has been blasted away, probably during some useless riot, and the stone house is roofed with canvas, A sort of tent—house, I can’t imagine that it’s warm or comfortable. He stops the girl, grips her shoulders and forcibly turns her.

The man says something, gestures to the truck. He’s impatient. I try to guess how old she is. From her posture, I’m supposing that she’s just a girl. In this light, under the bulk of her cheap protective clothing, it is impossible to say.

Maybe that’s why I feel connected to her, because she’s so young.

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12 Comments:

Blogger Nomes said...

oh yeah - I'm liking it :) I love the voice, it's slightly detached and haunting, but in a way that adds to the emotional impact of the scene.

I'm intrigued about the time and the setting and world. And it feels different to a lot of YA. There's certainly tension there too. It feel like anything can happen (anything meaning something scary-bad)

I'm hooked.

June 22, 2010 at 7:49 AM  
Blogger Emilia Plater said...

Wow. The atmosphere in this is incredible. I echo what Nomes said about the voice being detached, but effective. I really want to know more about this world! Awesome teaser :)

June 22, 2010 at 8:44 AM  
Blogger Karla Nellenbach said...

wow! such a vivid scene. i felt like i was right there next to your MC.

June 22, 2010 at 11:37 AM  
Blogger Horserider said...

I'm loving this! Yes, I would definitely read on. I'm the most curious about the setting.

June 22, 2010 at 12:54 PM  
Blogger Phoebe said...

I love the emotion that peeks through in that last line. Terrific!

June 22, 2010 at 12:55 PM  
Blogger Angelica R. Jackson said...

Good setup of the class distinctions, and their different experiences of a disaster. I would read more!

June 22, 2010 at 3:36 PM  
Blogger Becca Rogers said...

This is so mysterious! I want to know about the corpses. That creates a chilling atmosphere. I'd definitely keep reading. :D

P.S. - Thanks for the kind words on my blog. <33

June 22, 2010 at 3:47 PM  
Blogger Ellen said...

Very intense scene! I love it, would definitely keep reading :)

June 22, 2010 at 4:29 PM  
Blogger Glen Akin said...

Really loved this, very intriguing and vivid. It's got that dystopian feel to it as well, with the contagion and the masks. Really looking forward to reading more ;)

June 22, 2010 at 5:54 PM  
Blogger Bee said...

There's something happening out here..and I'm SO curious.
Very nice :)

June 22, 2010 at 7:32 PM  
Blogger Vee said...

The atmosphere is incredible.

My favourite lines: "I wonder if the people, those who are still alive, will be cold tonight. If those are their only blankets." They fit with the detached voice and are really simple, but at the same time allow me to see all the underlying emotion.

June 23, 2010 at 3:22 AM  
Blogger Bri said...

What a vivid scene! I found the last line especially to be super intriguing, though the whole thing was. I'd read more!

June 23, 2010 at 4:04 PM  

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